1) -Miscellaneous Tips-
Eat as much food as possible. Food gives you extra adventures and increases your stats.
Different foods will fill you up at different rates. Even if you are too full to eat another pizza, you might still have room for a slice of toast.
Alcohol is also good for getting extra adventures, but makes you Drunk. Drunkenness will affect combat, and if it gets greater than 14 (or 19 with a Liver of Steel), adventuring becomes impossible. One way to combat this is to drink the alcohol at the end of your turn; the adventures will carry over to the next day while the Drunkenness will not.
Join a clan when you reach level 3 (the minimum level to join). Being in a clan that has a calendar will give 3 extra turns a day. If the clan has a meat stash and 50k meat in its coffers, you will also receive 500 meat a day.
Dwellings (like a tent, cottage or house) placed in you campground increase the amount of HP recovered when you rest as well as helping in PvP.
It does not hurt to be a packrat. Seemingly useless items could prove to be very useful in the future.
If possible, always combine your food items together. Cooking/Mixing will allow you to eat more food/drink.
To /msg someone with a space in their name in chat, you must replace the space with an underscore. For example: "/msg my name hello" will not work, but "/msg my_name hello" will.
If you do not have an immediate need of a ten-leaf clover, "use" it in the inventory. This will turn it into a disassembled clover, and will allow you to save it for later.
A good place to get stats is the hidden temple. The best place for meat drops is the Icy Peak.
Muscle determines how often and how hard you hit.
Mysticality determines the amount of MP you have and the effect of spells.
Moxie determines your ability to avoid damage.

    PvP
Before you break the Magical Mystical Hippy Stone to allow PvP, you should establish some defences.
Try to PvP when you are close to leveling up. Since you only fight with players of similar level, you will have a slight stats advantage if you are close to leveling up.
PvP matches the stat you picked to fight with against an opponent's stat. So when choosing opponents, make sure that their class is not high in your stat. For example: If you are a seal clubber (high muscle), don't fight a turtle tamer (who also have high muscle) instead, pick on an Accordion Thief, who have low muscle but high moxie.
Watch for players wearing an outfit, the outfits often have poorer stats then the equipment you would normally wear. Conversely, stay away from people with good equipment (eg Mr. Accessory).
Pay attention to campground items. See who has scarecrows (weakens Mus), flowers (weakens Mox), or Good Feng Shui (weakens Mys). If you find someone weak against your prime stat, attack them.
Check on people's win/loss ratios. Obviously, those with more losses than wins should be easier to fight.
Try to be relatively drunk when PvPing.
Compile a list of players who you easily defeat and fight these players every day. PvP is one of the best sources of stat points (assuming you win).
See the Coldfront PvP guide for more information on PvP

Council Of Loathing Quests:
Toot Oriole:
The first Kingdom of Loathing quest is essentially a tutorial. The Toot Oriole (found in Mt Noob) will tell you to adventure in the Noob Cave until you get a pile of shiny pebbles. Equip your starting equipment and cast your 1MP starting class skill before adventuring in The Dire Warren where you must get a bunny liver. After finding the bunny liver and returning, the Toot Oriole gives you a bowl of oriole's nest soup. Return to The Dire Warren to find 40 meat, which you must then use to purchase chewing gum on a string from The Market. Visit the Sewer in the Market Square and you will fish a worthless trinket out with the chewing gum on a string. Buy a Hermit Permit from the Market, go to The Hermitage, trade the worthless item for the Golden Twig and return to Mt. Noob. Your next task is to combine an Action Figure Body and Head together. Make some meat paste from the miscellaneous category of your inventory, click on "combine stuff", select the Action Figure Body and Head in the drop down menu's and click Combine. Now take the newly created Action Figure to the Toot Oriole to receive Mt. Noob Pale Ale and a Certificate of Participation.

Distant Woods (or Looking for a Larva in All the Wrong Places):
When you reach level two, the council will ask you to go to the Spooky Forest (which is in the newly opened Distant Woods) for mosquito larva. Adventure in the forest until you have some and return to the council for a reward of 500 meat.

Typical Tavern (or Ooh, I Think I Smell a Rat):
You recieve this quest when you reach level 3. When you adventure at the Typical Tavern in The Distant Woods, you will be presented with a grid. Under each part of the cellar, you might encounter one of four types of adventures:
A fight with a drunken rat. This is the most common type.
Free drink (bottle of rum, boxed wine, ice-cold beer, ice-cold fotie or a Disco Bandit type drink)
Baron Von Ratsworth, a boss whose damage is based on your moxie. Drops special items*
Rat faucet - turning this off will end the quest
Once you turn off the rat faucet, you will receive a Shiny Ring (+3 all stats) and three drinks.
*Baron Von Ratsworth will normally drop Baron Von Ratsworth's monocle. If the Super-Secret Canadian Mind-Control Device is set to two, he drops Baron Von Ratsworth's money clip (+10/15% meat from monsters). If set to 9, he drops Baron Von Ratsworth's tophat (75 power, +5 all stats).

Boss Bat (or Ooh, I Think I Smell a Bat):
Fight in The Bat Hole until you get a Pine Fresh Air Freshner. Equip it and fight in Guano Junction (any item that gives stench resistance allows you to enter the Guano Junction, eg: the asshat). Adventure in Guano Junction until you have three sonar-in-a-biscuits. Every sonar-in-a-biscuit you use will unlock a new area in the Bat Hole, the last one unlocked will be the Boss Bat's Lair. Enter and kill the Boss Bat to get an item, then take that item to the Council Of Loathing to get a Batskin Belt and quest completion. If you set The Super-Secret Canadian Mind-Control Device to setting 4 for the battle with the boss bat, you will get the Boss Bat Britches (65 power, +5 Moxie). If you set it to setting 8, you will get the Boss Bat Bling (accessory, +3 Mus, +3 Mox)

Dark And Dank Sinister Cave:
Enter the Dark And Dank Sinister Cave. Equip a Gnollish Flyswatter (from Degrassi Knoll), to solve the Fly Bend. Have a Cog and a Sprocket in your inventory to open the next door. The Lavatory Troll needs Fairy Gravy, which can be found in the Haiku Dungeon. Equip Knob Goblin Tongs to get through the salad door. The next obstacle needs Ketchup or Catsup so get a worthless item from the sewer (using Chewing Gum on a string) and trade it at the The Hermitage for the Ketchup or Catsup. The final room is combat with your nemesis. Defeating him completes the quest and gives you a hat (50 power and +7 to your main stat).

Bitchin' Meat Car:
You must first gather a cog, an Empty Meat Tank, some Tires, a spring and a sprocket. Some of these are found inside Gnollish Toolboxes, which are found in Degrassi Knoll. You need the Sweet Rims, which you get from the Hermit by trading him a Worthless item. You will also need five Meat Pastes and a Meat Stack (must have 100 meat to make this), which can be made inside your inventory. Combine the Meat Stack with the Empty Meat Tank to get a Full Meat Tank, and combine the Tires with the Sweet Rims to get the Dope Wheels. Combine a spring and a sprocket, then combine the result with a cog to make Cog And Sprocket Assembly. Now combine the Full Meat Tank with the Cog And Sprocket Assembly to produce a Meat Engine, which you can then combine with the Dope Wheels to get a Bitchin' Meatcar. Return to the Council to complete the quest and to gain the ability to adventure at the Shore.

King of Cobb's Knob (or The Goblin Who Wouldn't Be King):
When you reach level 5, the Council of Loathing will ask you to kill the Goblin King and will open up Cobb's Knob. You will need the Knob Goblin Perfume, Knob Goblin Harem Veil and Knob Goblin Harem Pants from Inside Cobb's Knob. Equip the Veil and Pants, and then use the perfume. This will turn you into a Knob Goblin Harem Girl for one turn. Enter the King's Chamber and defeat him to get the Crown of the Goblin King (70 power, +10 Mus) and two dense meat stacks. Quest complete. If you set The Super-Secret Canadian Mind-Control Device to setting 7 for the battle with the Goblin King, you will get the Cape of the Goblin King (accessory, +7 Mox). If set to 3, you will get the Glass Balls of the Goblin King (accessory, +14 Mys). Not related to this quest but related to this location is the fact that you can equip the Knob Goblin Elite Guard Uniform when visiting the Cobb's Knob Laboratory to get a list of items to buy.

Deep Fat Friars (or Trial By Friar):
Given to you when you hit level 6 and complete the Typical Tavern quest. Head to the Grove Of The Deep Fat Friars in the Distant Woods and speak to the Friars to learn their problem. Head to the Dark Neck Of The Woods and adventure until you get the dodecagram, do the same in The Dark Heart Of The Woods for the Birthday Candles, and in The Dark Elbow Of The Woods to get the Eldrich Butterknife. Head to the taint with all three items to complete the quest and get the Liver Of Steel skill, which allows you to get up to 20 drunkness. If you have ascended and are a Teetotaller, you will get a Stomach of Steel instead, which allows 20 fullness. If you are an Oxygenarian you will get a Spleen of Steel, which allows the consumption of more stat boosting items.

The Cyrpt (or Cyrptic Emanations):
The next quest set by the Council Of Loathing (when you reach level 7) is a simple one. Head to the Crypt in the Nearby Plains. Adventure in the Defiled Areas until you encounter a boss creature. Defeat each of the 4 bosses to complete the 4 areas. Once all four areas are gone, adventure into the Haert Of The Crypt and kill the boss to get two items, now go to the council to get a Dragonbone Belt Buckle. Combine this with the Batskin Belt to get the Badass Belt Accessory (+5 all major stats), use the Chest of the Bonerdagon to get a 150 Boost to each stat and 3,000 meat. If you set The Super-Secret Canadian Mind-Control Device to setting 5 for the battle with the Bonerdagon, you will get the Rib of the Bonerdagon (80 power, +5 Mus, +5 Mox). If set to 10, you will get the vertebra of the Bonerdagon (which can be made into a Bonerdagon necklace (+5 Mus, +5 Mox, +30% initiative).

Mt. McLargeHuge and the L337 Tr4pz0r (or It's a Trap!):
The council will ask you to visit the L337 Tr4pz0r who is located at Mt. McLargeHuge in The Big Mountains after you reach level 8. He asks for 3 pieces of linoleum ore, available from the newly opened Itznotyerzitz Mine (He will sometimes ask for chrome ore instead). You will need to wear the Mining Gear (7-Foot Dwarven Mattock, Miner's Pants and Miner's Helmet) from the mine to get the linoleum ore. Return to the Trapper and he will make you a linoleum item based on your class. Muscle based classes get a linoleum sword (100 Power, +20HP), Mysticality classes get a linoleum staff (100 Power, +20MP), and Moxie classes get a linoleum crossbow (100 Power, +10 HP/MP). Next he asks for 6 chunks of goat cheese, which you can find from The Goatlet. Give him the cheese and he will give you three goat cheese pizzas. The Tr4pz0r will now ask you to get the eXtreme Cold-Weather Gear (eXtreme Mittens, eXtreme Scarf and Snowboarder Pants) from The eXtreme Slope. Return with the gear and he will take you to the Icy Peak where he will give you five yeti furs and 5,000 Meat. Mt. McLargeHuge is now open for adventuring and you can go back to The L33t Tr4pz0r's C4b1n to trade furs.

Strange Leaflet:
The strange leaflet is given to you by the Council Of Loathing when you reach level 9. The leafet is a text based adventure controlled by various commands like: "i, use, read, open, take, cut, light, climb, look at, kill, exit, etc.". To begin the quest, use the leaflet and type the following instructions in order:

  open door, east, take sword, west, north, cut hedge, pick up stick, west, light stick, east, north,
  kill serpent, open chest, look behind chest, look in hole
You should now possess a Frobozz Real-Estate Company Instant House (TM) (campground item, the best dwelling) and a grue egg (a familiar). You can continue the quest with these commands:
  south, south, east, examine fireplace, examine tinder, examine parchment
This will allow you to later memorize a spell which you will be able to use in normal combat.
  light fireplace, take boots, put on boots
At this point type: "examine fireplace
". There will be one of five objects here. If you see a trophy, take it using "take trophy
". This allow you to get the Brass Bowling Trophy Trophy. The other four objects have secret words tied to each of them that provide a stat bonus. The commands are detailed at the end of this section.
 west, south, south, south
You should now be in dense forest. Simply move in any direction about 5 times and you will leave the maze. Note that once inside the maze, you will not be able to return to the previous parts of this adventure.
  climb tree, take egg, look at petunias, throw egg at roadrunner, down, look in leaves, up, throw ruby at petunias
If you have the parchment from inside the house, you can now type: "gnusto cleesh
" to memorize the cleesh spell from the scroll you just found. This will allow you to cast this spell in combat for 10 MP. The spell turns creatures into a newt, a frog, or a salamander. The transformed creatures drop a eye of newt, a squashed frog or a salamander spleen, respectively. If you want this spell, you must memorize it before using it on the giant or the cleesh scroll will be lost.
  up, cleesh giant, take ring
This will give you the giant pinky ring and end the quest.
There is a secret code that will give you a stat bonus. The code is one of: xyzzy, plugh, plover, yoho.

Note that you can only try these codes once, so you must get it right the first try. The codes are tied to the items found after examining the fireplace.
plover is tied to finding the bird, plugh the brick wellhouse, yoho the ship and xyzzy the white house.

Orc Chasm (or A Quest, LOL):
Opening up The Valley Beyond The Orc Chasm requires you be level 9 and some running around. You first need to make a Dingy Dinghy (Get the Dingy Planks from the Hermit and the Dinghy Plans from the Shore, then use the plans). The Dinghy will open up the Mysterious Island Of Mystery. Adventure in the Obligatory Pirate's Cove to obtain the Swashbuckling Getup (swashbuckling pants, stuffed shoulder parrot and eyepatch). Dress up in the Swashbuckling Getup once you have all the components and adventure in the Pirates Cove to get the Abridged Dictionary. Go to the Untinkerer in town and have him untinker the Abridged Dictionary into a Bridge and a dictionary. You can now cross the Orc Chasm using the bridge. Use the dictionary against the enemies here, it will deal more damage that a normal attack and has unlimited uses. Fight until you collect two 334 Scrolls, a 33398 Scroll and a 30669 Scroll. Combine the two 334 Scrolls together to get a 668 Scroll, then combine the 30669 and 33398 Scrolls to get a 64067 Scroll. Combine the 64067 scroll with the 668 scroll to finally make the 64735 scroll. Use the 64735 scroll to complete the quest and you will get a Drywall Axe (150 power) as a reward. You can now sell the dictionary for 21337 meat. As a bonus, you can also make a 31337 Scroll out of a 668 Scroll with a 30669 Scroll.

The Beanstalk (or The Rain on the Plains is Mainly Garbage):
The Council will tell you that garbage is piling up in the Nearby Plains after you attain level 10. Get an enchanted bean from the Beanbat Chamber and use it (This will only work if you have recieved the quest from the council). It will grow into a enormous beanstalk in the Nearby Plains. Complete The Penultimate Fantasy Airship quest to gain access to The Castle in the Clouds in the Sky. Adventure in the Castle until you encounter the "Wheel in the Clouds in the Sky, Keep On Turning". Turn the wheel so it is no longer the Procrastination Giant's job to take out the trash. Return to the council and they will give you a giant discarded plastic fork (staff, 155 power) as a reward. Quest Complete.

Naughty Sorceress (The Final Ultimate Epic Final Conflict):
When you reach level 11 and have completed all previous council quests, the Council of Loathing will open up the final area: The Lair of the Naughty Sorceress.
To get past the first gate you must use a Tasty Fun Good Rice Candy (found in The Valley Beyond The Orc Chasm) to get a Sugar Rush. For the next gate, you must use a wussiness potion, and for the last gate, you need a Thin Black Candle (Goth Giants in the Giant Castle drop it).

The next location is The Huge Mirror. To get past the mirror, take all of your gear off (show your true self), and you will get a huge mirror shard.

To pass the Perplexing Door, you will need several keys: Key Where to find key Solution to test Reward
Boris Key end of the Daily Dungeon "fish" Fish Bowl
Jarlsberg Key end of the Daily Dungeon "phish" fishtank
Sneaky Pete Key end of the Daily Dungeon "fsh" fish hose
Skeleton Key combine Skeleton Bone and Loose Teeth bring a ten-leaf clover stone tablet (Really Evil Rhythm)
Richard's Star Key using a Star Chart and entering 8 stars and 7 lines equip a star hat and any star weapon, and have a star starfish as your familiar stone tablet (Sinister Strumming)
Digital Key give the Crackpot Mysic 30 white pixels enter "up up down down left right left right b a" stone tablet (Squeezings of Woe)
Balloon Monkey* combine four long skinny balloons N/A Easter Egg balloon (+5 all major stats)
*Note that the Balloon Monkey is a bonus and is not required to pass this section.

To pass the Perplexing Odor, you must combine the Fish Hose with a Fish Bowl, and then combine the Hosed Fisbowl with fishtank to get the Makeshift SCUBA Gear. Equip the gear and revisit the odor to partially activate the Stone Mariachis.

To pass The Stone Mariachis you need: 1) an acoustic guitarrr or a stone banjo/Disco banjo, 2) a stolen accordion or a Rock and Roll Legend, and 3) a bone rattle or a tambourine. You only need one item for each Mariachi. Completing the Stone Mariachis will open up a new area to adventure in - The Hedge Maze.
Mariachi  Item required (one of) Where to acquire item
1st acoustic guitarrr Found in the Obligatory Pirates Cove
heavy metal thunderrr guitarrr Combine an acoustic guitarrr with chrome ore
Disco Banjo Combine a stone banjo and a disco ball
stone banjo Combine a big rock and banjo strings
2nd stolen accordion Found in the sewer
Rock and Roll Legend  Combine heart of rock and roll and stolen accordion
3rd bone rattle Combine a Skeleton Bone and a broken skull
tambourine Combine tambourine bells and a Gnollish Pie Tin

In The Hedge Maze, battle until you get a hedge maze puzzle. In the puzzle, create a path to the key and adventure in the Maze again. You will get a hedge maze key. Now create a path out of the Maze in the puzzle and reenter the Maze. The Sorceress' Tower is now open.

The Sorceress' Tower is a series of six enemies undefeatable by normal combat; you must use special items to kill them. The order of the enemies is randomly generated and will be different for each player. Here are the solutions:
Enemy Item used to defeat enemy  Where to get the item
Beer Batter baseball Guano Junction
Big Meat Golem meat vortex The Valley Beyond The Orc Chasm
Bowling Cricket sonar-in-a-biscuit Guano Junction
Electron Submarine photoprotoneutron torpedo The Penultimate Fantasy Airship
Enraged Cow barbed-wire fence Large Donkey Mountain Ski Resort (Shore)
Fickle Finger of F8 razor-sharp can lid The Haunted Pantry
Flaming Samurai frigid ninja stars The Lair of the Ninja Snowmen
Giant Desktop Globe  NG Combine Lowercase N and Original G
Ice Cube can of hair spray Buy from The Demon Market
Pretty Fly spider web The Sleazy Back Alley
Tyrannosaurus Tex chaos butterfly The Castle In The Clouds In The Sky
Vicious Easel disease The "Fun" House

Next is a number logic puzzle unique for each player. The heavy door is locked with a 3 digit code you must get by solving the puzzle given by the light door. There does not seem to be a universal solution to this other than working it out yourself. Here is a good, if slightly long, guide that can help you through the puzzle.
Alternately, if you want an immediate solution, either Alpaca's Door Code Solver, Cisco's Door Code Generator or Max's KoL Lair Door Code Generator will provide it.

Have the huge mirror shard equipped to deflect the energy beam.

Next is your shadow opponent. It is impervious to normal attacks. All you can do is heal, which is the key to this fight. Red pixel potions are the best healing item in the game and are extremely useful here. Using four red pixel potions during the battle should do the trick.

You now face two of the sorceress's giant familiars. You will need one of your familiars to act as an "anti-familiar" to fight against hers. Your familiar must be at least 20 pounds (including any buffs and equipment) to win the fight. To beat the Use the
Angry Goat Mosquito
Mosquito Sabre-Toothed Lime
Sabre-Toothed Lime  Levitating Potato
Levitating Potato Barrrnacle
Barrrnacle Angry Goat

Finally you will face The Naughty Sorceress in combat. She will remove all yours buffs before fighting so don't bother buffing yourself up. She has three stages. The first two stages are normal combat except for the fact that she can block your actions some of the time. How often she blocks you actions depends on how many times you have fought her. The more you fight her, the less she blocks actions and the easier she is. Her final stage requires that a Wand of Nagamar be equipped. To create a Wand of Nagamar, combine WA (Ruby W and Metallic A) and ND (Lowercase N and Heavy D) together. Her damage to you in battle is determined by your moxie. Low moxie weakens her attack.

Good items to use in the battle are Furry Suit (reduce her strength in combat) or the Star Garb (make yourself as powerful as possible). Any damage dealing accessories help greatly here. Flaming talons, a kickback cookbook, enchanted toothpicks, enchanted brass knuckles, or an acid-squirting flower are all good picks. Damage absorbing items do not work against her. Some good combat items to use in battle are cola grenades, throwing stars, torpedos, and plot holes.

A Ghost Pickle on a Stick is probably the best familiar to use here if you are having trouble in combat. It will both damage and slow the Sorceress. Dodecapedes are also excellent. Some people have reported success using the Ninja Pirate Zombie Robot.

Once you have defeated her, click on the kings prison to free him. You may now Ascend by clicking on the rift.